The condom broke, she’s blaming me…

Dear Killa,

Greetings to you. I have a problem. My girlfriend and I are living together and we have a child. I promised her that I would not get her pregnant again until she graduates from college. We were having sex and the condom broke. When she missed her period, she checked with her doctor and found out that she is pregnant. She is blaming me for using an old condom. I told her that the condom was not old. Killa, it is a big mistake. I did not mean to get her pregnant, but everyday she is crying and I don't know what to do.

Dear Babyfadda,

Well, you know its Bounty Killa… ole village rooster!

Mi a boy weh love fling mi seed. Swell up gyal regulah-- yeah a nuff a dem breed. You see, de gyal dem want dem skin fi bore. Dem tear down all mi door, screaming and then bawling out fi more. (Suh) a nuh nuttin if dem breed, mi wi fadda dem.

The Sex ‘Death Sentence’

Dear Killa,

Impotence or erectile dysfunction is defined as the inability to achieve or maintain an erection sufficient for sexual intercourse. When you take away power, strength and vigour from a man, it makes him feel like a cripple that has no more worth in life. So, when a man loses his ability to hold that power, strength and vigour in his penis, it is a certain death sentence for him. The penis defines the prominence of a man. When he strips down and the woman can be awed at the stand of his thoroughbred stallion that is being imposed on her. It is a compliment for a man's ego when he has that potency, that is hard and last long. But, men don't understand that to have this potency for a very long time, they will have to take care of themselves, so that the results continue to 'stiffen'.

Dear Doctor,

Some bwoy (ongle) look hard. Dem a pose and a hype. (Dem) big up dem chest and all a give demself sex stripe. But dem gal a tell mi seh (nuff a dem) nah wuk dem right. Dem only lie dung and a bitey bitey, all night. Well! When my ting rise, it stand up tall. When dem see it, gyal climb ceiling- den wall. Wey mi do to gyal, dem call it Karma Sutra. My something suh fine, superb and super. Gyal haffe run when mi dun drink mi Babba roots or mi tigerbone blend up wid di tequila.

Party time in Jamaica…

Dear Killa,
I am planning a trip to Jamaica with some of my friends. It’s going to be our first time to the country, but we want to come because we heard it’s a good place to party. Our motto is “more girls, more liquor, more fun”. When do you think is the best time to come?

Dear Tourist,
Yow, It's (all) about summer time. Drop top and hummer (time). De gal dem look summer fine. Gal dem bangin like a drummer. Can you see di summer signs?

From mi pool to di beach, pure gal a beep. Hot sexy gal, couldah some freak. Nuff gal a pop it off, nuff gal a drop it off. Seh dem look and waan show dem physique. Girls look good seven days a di week. Girls drop loose when dem see di sun a shine. From di fat to di slim, dem a love di summer wine. Girls are happy (and all) gangstas dancing (in de summertime). Partygoers are jumping- everybody go through something (in de summertime).

Lickey Lickey Girls

Dear Killa,

I always laugh to myself when I hear girls talk bout how dem cyaah find no good man. Well, in my opinion, is not the men that are the problem, is de women. Most of them just want yuh money. They don’t want no relationship, they just want what dem can get out of a relationship. Drive out, KFC, clothes, cellphone, why yuh tink taxi man have suh much woman? Is de hardest ting fi a man find a good, humble girl nowadays. Even de one dem wey call dem self Christian just as lickey lickey.

Dear Mr. Savings,

Eh Yow! Rude bwoy, how some gyal so greedy? Bwoy, mi a tell yuh, dem gyal yah move speedy…

Mi get gyal easy. Man believe me! A nuff a dem (gyal yah a) grieve me. Mi meet one, (sey) she wyaah go restaurant- she too greedy. (From) she see mi wallet , she start act speedy. (Mi) give har a one squits and har eye dem get beady. She start all bleach like de poor and needy. (After) mi get wey mi want, mi tell dis gyal gwaun leave me. She fi achieve me! (Dem gyal deh wi ) see yuh roll up and wyaah play join up. (Dem wi) see yuh and yuh woman and wyaah play close up. But mek dem know sey sketel bomb time up!

It’s not me, it’s you!

Dear Killa,

I am so mad right now. A few weeks ago, I met a nice guy at a nightclub in Kingston. Anyway, we started going out and everything was great until it came time for him to seal the deal. The first time we made love, I was not very impressed. He did not last very long but I told myself that he was probably tired and that things would be better the next time. Well, it has been a month and he has not improved. In fact, it has become clear that he is a “one position, one minute” wonder. What is worse, I heard through the grapevine that he has been telling his friends that I am the one with the problem. I have been with many other guys and it’s never been like this- what should I do?

Dear Miss Unsatisy,

Hayyy! Somebaddy say suppen bout tyad? Yuh ready fi hear how di gal dem a say some bredda a lyad? Lawd a mercy!

Bwoy come a road and a foam and a wrath, bwoy a spread rumor sey how Miss Unsatisfy salt. De ooman say a lie and a cuss peer claut. A cum him cum quick and a tun round a find fault. She sey from she born a de wuss slam she get. She just sekkle dung an all a ketch har breath but this bredda come fast like a new jumbo jet. Him a wutless bwoy, ole liad! Cum quick and tell gyal sey him tyad. Well, de gyal dem sey dem want a true man. To wuk dem very long and purlong, dat’s right! Dem want di wuk from yasso to Chicago. Suh If yuh cyaah wuk dem suh, yuh haffe go. Ooman, tell dat likkle punk fi leave you, cause him a zero.

Heditorial Comment

Whappen to dem!

Well, recently my name was called up in a incident wid Movado at Quad. The newspaper said “As it relates to Bounty Killer it's incomprehensible as to why he has been made a person of interest by the police. He was nowhere near the vicinity where the incident happened and it's very regrettable that he has been caught up in this situation, especially on his birthday"

What I want to know is: a which fassyhole a call up mi name? A nuff a unu waan see di Killer get waste. A nuff fassyhole a bawl pon mi case. Nuff a unu glad when police raid mi base- but a hell when wi buck face to face. A nuff time unu try fi clown mi. Maficer, bout dem a Mafia! whappen to dem!...claffia. A nuff time mi have it and well waan fi sound it. A nuff time mi friend dem haffie beg and haffi hold me. Media and de press, all unu a try unu best fi drown mi. Unuh cancel mi visa but dat still naah ground me. Know sey de eagle and de hawk dem surround me.

Mi know sey unu wha fi sen mi go a prison. But unu cyah shake mi fate. Cauw I know within myself that I was born to be great. Suh mek mi just say it out plain- to those punks who call up mi name. It only mek me stronger when yuh push me down, so go ahead and tell de town. You doing me a favor when you push me round, cause everytime yuh knock me down. I get stronger and stronger…everytime yuh knock me down.

Finish Line

Dear Killa,

I am at a point of giving up, because I feel like so much is missing from my life. I have devoted the last two years to just work and school, and now I am frustrated because my life has been all about school. I just feel like giving up right now. This is my last semester before I graduate with my degree, but I don't want to lose hope. Is there anything you can say to help me regain my confidence and strength, so that I can complete this semester without feeling all this stress and pressure?

Dear Student,

Well, yuh well ambitious and yuh well decent. Put yuh hand ina de air cause yuh well intelligent. From dem sey good! A yuh de Killa recommended. (Suh) nevah let your problems get you down. (Yuh) gotta stay focus and hold your ground. Though it seems hopeless. (Though) sometimes the burden heavy and (yuh) can’t take de weight. (You’re) breathing and still living, so its (never) too late.