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Sunday, 25 September 2011

Outward appearance doesn’t cut it!

Dear Killa,
Some men do look first at the body of a woman, while others, before they make a commitment, take time to look at the inner soul. It is wonderful and encouraging when a man says to his woman, "You're so smart, I knew when I chose you there was more to you than just a beautiful face." A wise man will choose a woman who will communicate intelligently with him and who is capable of going out in the workforce to help provide for the family in case of illness or hardship.
Dear Hinner Beauty,
This is a straight statement. Gal dem look so good, dem look like ornament.  Look pan dem skin, it smooth like ivory. (But) mi wonder if dem generous like Miss IVY? When (de good kinda) gyal dem inna de crowd, dem can stand up fi demself. Dem intelligent with a smooth accent. Dem dress normal though, dem well decent. Dem gyal deh naah run up and down. Dem have dem bonafide. Dem gyal de know dem square root and pie. Gyal like dis a whey mi want (by mi side).  All some (other) gyal know is chicken and fry and know fi tief and know fi tell lie. And fi badmind and fi rely.

Wednesday, 14 September 2011


Dear Killa,

I met this young lady some weeks ago and from the moment I met her, I felt there was something different about her. She has this ‘vibe’ that just makes me giddy whenever I see or spend time with her. At the end of every date, I find myself wanting more. It has gotten so bad that if I don’t see her for a few days I start to feel on edge. When we have sex, it feels like I am on the moon. No woman has ever made me feel this way before, like I am going out of my mind.

Dear Lovey Dovey,

Hay yo! You know you have some ladies, the whole attitude dat dem choose to give is soo smooth. Anyway!

Magnet- suh dis gyal just a pull you in. Magnet, she have de skill fi fulfil yuh dream. Magnet- dats de way how (it seems). Dis woman a pull yuh in like a magnet to steel. (Most) woman draw yuh out, but dis gyal yah pull yuh in. Like a needle and a pin, wid de magnet wey she bring. She (mussey) hold on pon yuh ting mi sey like a virgin and hold yuh hostage and sey dat yuh a de victim.

Thursday, 1 September 2011

My boyfriend replaced me with a vibrator

Dear Killa,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I am 26 and my boyfriend is 24. We dated for about 12 weeks, then we started to have sex. His birthday was approaching and I asked him what he wanted me to get him and, to my surprise, he said a vibrator. I objected but he insisted that was what he wanted. I bought it. But, now he is obsessed with it. He is always using it on himself and he groans a lot. He is now ignoring me because the vibrator is giving him more than I can give him.

Dear Miss Replacee,

Mi cyah believe some man wey mi hear a say dem a men. (Now dat mi hear ) it fi myself, water full up mi eye. Dis man a gal clown. Gyal, clown him…drown him! Whappen to dem? G.C.E! Gal Clown Executive. A fool dat yo!