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Friday, 28 January 2011

Is a Quickie Okay?

Dear Killa,

I know a man who really likes me. He would do anything for me. He really cares about me. We are just friends now but he wants us to be more than friends. He wants a relationships but I am scared.

Recently, I asked him when was the last time he had sex and he said last week. I was very upset with him. He consoled me and said the woman meant nothing to him, she was just a quickie. Can a man sleep with a woman and not have any feelings for her?

I don't know what to do. I don't want to get heartbroken and cheated on again like in previous relationships.

Dear Wifey,

Hay yo, Yallow!

Well, don’t puzzle dis, when yuh hear mi call some gyal “easy does it”. One slam mi get a nevah membah who was it. Mi nuh interested, suh mi nevah puzzle it. Cauw mi nevah love it! (Dem gyal deh fi) tek a slap and gwaan. How mi fi mek dem see mi wid ol' laugh star Dawn. Mi don’t call nuh fowl when mi dash out mi corn. I’m speaking the truth, mi nuh mean yuh nuh harm.

Baby, don't let love go, mi seh let love stay. Don't leave him in sorrow or in dismay. Yuh man dun propose and yuh mek di choice. A reply from you would simply make his day.

Wednesday, 26 January 2011

Fed up!

Dear Killa,

I read your column a lot and now it is my time to write to you. I have a big problem and I need your help in any way you can. I have been working at a security company for sometime now. The thing is that the boss collects $1,000.00 per hour for each security guard, and pays him/her $145.00 per hour so the boss makes $855.00 out of it for themselves. They do not have a health plan for us. In case we get sick, we are on our own. We are risking our lives night and day so that they can have money and they don't care about us.

We need him to give us the right amount of money that the government says that we are to get. They need to give us our health plan, our pension, etc. We have families. We are getting old. It is too long now and we are sick and tired. What do you think?...

Dear Guardie,

Hey Yow! Mr Fassy ! Cause yuh should be happy to see others happy… 

Look into my eyes, tell me what you see? Can you feel my pain? Am I your enemy? Give us a better way. Things are really bad, the only friend I know is this gun I have. Listen to my voice… this is not a threat. Now you see the nine, are you worried yet? When you show us hope, we will show you peace…

Look into my mind, can you see the wealth? Can you tell that I want to help myself?But if it happen that I stick you for your ring, don't be mad at me it's a survival ting. When you show us hope, we will show you peace…

Look me in the eyes and tell me that you care, stop and ask yourself, would you live like that?And if you had to, then wouldn't you bus gun shot? The struggle that we live nobody really knows but if you show us hope, we will show you peace…

Friday, 21 January 2011

Waitin’ for Mister Right

Dear Killa,

I have been dating a guy for 2 weeks. How do I know if he is the one?

Dear Waitress,

Intimate woman, need intimate man, yeah... Link up and join strong like money ina hand. Woman!

You have an idea and yuh woman have one, put dem together, wey yuh get a likkle plan. It take dedication and meditation fi move from inna de air from down a de foundation. Unu build all together and mek it strong. Yuh tink and don’t yuh know, yuh follow de generation. God did make Eve and him make Adam. Put dem pon de land to multiply de nation. Intimate woman need intimate man link up join together like money inna hand.

**Let’s get intimate, come on sugar darling, let’s get intimate (hey, hey)

Monday, 17 January 2011

Chatty Chatty Ex…

Dear Killa,

Six months ago my baby father left me for another woman in the same housing scheme. I get to understand that he and her have been walking the street and talking how I look like an old cow and how nobody wants me. Killa, I desperately want to get back on the man market (plus mi want fi spite di b&*%h dem). I know my face is still pretty but I need your fatherly advice.

Dear Pretty Cow,

Yuh a lead and a set di trend (Gal). Cause yuh and dem could nevah be friends, and dem a nuff up di place like oxygen. Mek di walk and di pose fi dem (Gal), cause yuh nah wear nuh clothes fi dem (Gal). Nah fi borrow, have nuttin fi lend and yuh nuh care a who dem wyaah send.

Well! Dem look warm but yuh ultra hot. All heads roll when yuh touch pon di spot. Dem a drop off a farm, yuh deh pon di top. Standing ovation every man a clap. Flawless God bless, a yuh dem caan stop. Slap a gal in har face if a bright she chat. Man a dead ova di face and di shape yuh got. Model and mek a gal ketch heart attack!!

Friday, 14 January 2011

Just want to sample har sweetness…

Dear Killa,

I think my wife's sister wants to have an affair with me, and it is driving me crazy because she flirts with me. We had a mutual friend, and he told me he had an affair with her and that made me mad. My sister-in-law is married, so I am not looking to marry her but just to sample her sweetness a couple times. What can I do?

Dear Samplist,

Check one time, no crime. I hope this gal can pay the fine.... right. Gal a cry and bawl fi the service! I hope dem can service.

Well gimme di mother or di aunt and I will tek di daughter pon di side in advance. Cawh from a day me pass and hear di gal dem a chant, everlasting and blasting, is dat dem want. And dem a demand it, nah tell dem I can't. Just like a rocket me seh gal fi launch. Gal all ah bawl but dem nah get no chance. Inna dem soil a me seed me waan plant.

Thursday, 13 January 2011

Is Kissing the Opposite Sex Wrong?

Dear Killa,

I have a burning question. Is it a sin to kiss someone of the opposite sex? I know that having sex outside of marriage is, but I am not sure about kissing.

Dear Hopposite,

Cross, angry, miserable, these girls are irresistable, Uh.

Di gal dem mek mi body tense. Dem look like some Lexus some bimmer and some Benz. A good body gal mi waan fi feature mi ends. Look like some boy need some contact lens. Boy dem chase di gal while a dem mi a defend. Well, woman is a must, a nuh pretend mi a pretend. Look pon di gal dem shape. Wid di face, di gal dem round like grape. Yuh try nuh have no intention fi rape. Try ask and get first and tek. Tings like that we naah go appreciate.

Bun a fire pon a kuh pon mister fagotty (Uh huh). Cocky deh yah suh fi wheel unda Dorothy (Uh huh) .
Ears ah bend up and a wince under agony. Poop man fi go drown and dat a yawd man philosophy (Uh huh).