If you have your own questions that you wish the Killa to hansar, please email "dearbountykilla@gmail.com" or use the comments feature.

Monday, 19 December 2011

Heditorial Comment: Bounty Killer gets Flak for “Lollipop” Song

Bung Bang!

Mi hear everyting wey dem a chat man. (But) talk is cheap! Pure rubbish dem a chat ina de heap. Spit dem a spit up de place, as mi (manager) build up de case. (Dem) a drop word fi try get mi mad inna dis. (Well dem fi) rush mi if dem tink sey dem bad inna dis. Run ina mi gun and come chat off yuh face. See if mi nuh tek it and shat off yuh face. Blow blow! mi use it and chap off yuh face. No fools out a road (doan) scare me. Dem a dis and dem a mock and waah come jeer me. (But) them cyah maintain. Them lipping and them flipping, them cyah sustain. Dem a do it in vain.

Jesus Fixed it!

Dear Killa,

I just got released from prison. I was locked up for about 10 years since I was in my early twenties. At that time, I was a ‘hothead’. I stole, fought and even beat my baby mother. I was taken to a counselor but it did not work, I continued to do bad things. By the grace of God and with the help of a pastor, I received the help I needed. Otherwise, my life would have been totally wrecked. So many of the friends I used to have, people I thought I could count on, deserted me. So, what I want to say is that the only way to get over your problems is to seek Jesus and let Him work in you and for you.

Dear Jailbird,

God up above will always be there fi de ‘God pon de ground’. Always be there fi Mama Ivy Son. Tell all who a wait fi see Bounty pop down. Tell dem gwuan wait nuh! A nuff a dem dida see mi deh a jail and couldn’t get nuh bail and as mi come out dem fuss a come hail. Mi agree- nuh gyal shouldn’t send mi go jail, but dat naah go mek mi hate de females. Well, I’m a general of strength and everybody can tell. I was still de general when I was locked into de cell. (Suh) tell all who a wait fi see Bounty go a hell. Alliance nuh fall nor fell!

Monday, 12 December 2011

Bitter Ex

Dear Killa,

I am having a problem. I am in sixth form and just started dating a girl in fifth form. A few weeks ago, some boys from her form tried to rush me because they say I stole her from their friend. I did not know my girlfriend had been dealing with this guy. I asked her about it and she said they broke up because he was always telling his friends their business. This guy’s problems should not be my problem. But, he has made things difficult by talking s&%^ about me at school. I am trying my best to keep the peace.

Dear 6 Former,

Lawd a mercy!

(Well, I had a similar experience). (I was) riding west inna mi bulletproof vest. No way, mi nevah identify nuh object. It could be “Antonette” or it could be “Paulette”- (a bwoy) hear mi argument and get bex. (A bwoy) see how mi flex and loose all confidence. Mek him fren boost him and him tek influence. (Because) him mouth so big..now (him) face de consequence. A Seaview man dis bwoy go talk gainst. Now (him) all a bawl and cyah pay de expense.

Thursday, 8 December 2011

Colour prejudice in Jamaica

Dear Killa,

Jamaican women and men have been brainwashed by the media that white is right, especially the women. A lot of them are guilty of wanting light or fair-skinned men because they wish to have fair- skinned children. As a result, many of these men have been using products to lighten their skin. I think this is definitely a form of self-hate.

Dear Mrs. Kartel,

Some bwoy a wobble! A try get pretty like dem a super model. Wha dem a try, girlish behavior? Dem bettah call upon de savior!

Yow!..no cream to mi face, mi pants pon mi waist. Bad man tongue no bore. Mi nuh “Evette” or “Grace”. Mi straight from mi eyeglass down to mi shoes lace. Certain man cyaah come pon de base. (Dem) mussey lean ina (dem) head, (dem) couldn’t stable. What a calamity! (Dem) watch too much cable and start follow yuh see. Ina dutty culture dem start wallow yuh see.

Yo! Jamaica, mi a tell yuh, fi de yutes dem mi cry. Yute a wear make-up and all a try beautify. Ghetto yutes start dress up like cutey pie. Dem bleach till dem tun polka dots. If it continue so, mi ago shoot a guy.

Friday, 2 December 2011

Follow Fashion…

Dear Killa,

Greetings to you and your crew. I have been reading your column for a few months and I respect your advice that you give to people. I hope you will be able to give my son some advice. I am a single mother and right now one of my son is locked up. I had to struggle to make ends meet when he was growing up but I really tried my best with him. We come from the ghetto area and there are many youths down here claiming to be ‘badmen’. They say they earn their stripes by the amount of ‘duppies’ they make. Some people say it’s the music that they listen to that makes them so vile. Killa, I pray for him daily, but he won’t listen to reason. Please give him some counsel.

Dear Mummy,

Cross, angry, miserable! Poor people uncomfortable. What de hell going on? Jamaica get take over by a lot of sinner. People killing they brothers and they sisters for a dinner. Stupidness! Well, its Bounty killer, poor people’s winner. The Gladiator, the five-star General, the Administrator. Whad up wid those perpetrators? They should stay for later... Level!!

Cross! Rude bwoy deh a jail cause it’s about killing Percy. Mi nuh send (dem) pon nuh work, so nobody (nuh) come curse me. (Yute) go change yuh dutty ways cauw mi a nuh no nursery. Tink about de time and tink about de cemetery.Every now and den yuh prips de corners cause dem hot. Bounty sey “a nuh progressive tinking dat”. Wid de possibility yuh face ina gunshot. Either yuh dead or yuh drop ina infirmary. Yute nowadays nuh have no vision. Dem wyaah rich like de man pon dem television. Look deh, now yuh have man a sey yuh bad and a sey a yuh dem ago flop. (Dem soon haffe go) send fi mama, mek she come clean up dat. Full time yuh stop act like yuh blind. Rather see de problems and de signs a de time. War nevah nice, war evah hot. (But, police) naahve no mercy, (just membah dat).

Me run him head Killa

Dear Killa,

I am a regular reader of your column and I enjoy it. My boyfriend has two babymothers but I don't have any children for him. His babymothers are jealous of me, because I am living with him and I tell him what to give them to support his children. The other girl promised to obeah me so that I would walk up and down and talk to myself. My boyfriend and I are planning to get married next year, 2012. He is building a house and he is sending me to Miami to buy the fixtures. When the house is finished, these girls are going to go crazy. They call me a mule because I don't have children, but I know how to keep this man and I have made up my mind to be a good wife to him. Every day I take care of his meals and his clothes and do whatever he wants me to do.

Dear Fiancé,

Hey yo! Can’t you see, (dem) wanna be, crying to be, dying to be, trying to be… But, they just can’t be (you). Yuh a live yuh life, dem a try survive. Yuh cool like cucumber, just like ice. Every part in yuh body move synchronized. Yuh a di magnet fi mek (yuh) man nature rise. Dem deh gyal deh nuh 100%, man haffe love dem wid oil and one ting dem can sure (of) is just unwanted child. None a dem cyaah cross de line, dem haffe maintain de rules. (Suh mek dem gwaun chat) yuh stronger than dem vial and obeah. Kill dem wid (yuh) ways, yuh have pride and looks. (Yuh) can wash, yuh can clean, yuh can press and cook. (Dem) gyal (deh) a look war just because dem so vile. (Suh) mek dem galang, dem come in like a reptile.

Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Mix-up Preacher

Dear Killa,

I just want people to know about some of the preachers in the churches. They say they are preaching God's word but I think they are not. I went to a church recently and listened to the preacher. He talked about everybody's business except his own. The preacher hardly spent time talking about Jesus. He was just in mix-up and gossip. He said everybody wants his money. Doesn't he know the Bible says the fool and his money will soon depart?

Dear God Pickney,

Before dem seek God, dem seek de devil. Dat’s why dis world so miserable.  But, de Killa sey, its Jah and not de Devil- him mek dis world be comfortable. Try know de man wey build de earth and de heaven-him a mek de sun shine, 7 to 7. I see earthquake and storm wey a dangerous something. Lightning and Thundah-dat mek yuh frighten. Volcano and Lava bun yuh out to nutten. Man all a fight his brother to get title- and war did start wid Cain and Abel. When Cain shoub a knife right in him brother navel. Now is de time to live as Jah disciple.

Dis part is to you Pastor Mix-up. Instead a make bridges, you a make more walls. Is like yuh doan see dat yuh Kingdom mek out of (lies).  Is like yuh and de devil have a album deal. Yuh don’t got no heart? Tell me, how do you feel? (Jah know) It bun mi feelings. (Dat's why) de Killa have to stay by de almighty, de protected and shield.

Friday, 18 November 2011

Go-Go Girlfriend: Part Two

Dear Killa,

I have been friends with a go-go dancer for the last 15 years. She and I were friends from High School and there has always been an attraction between us. I have tried several times to take things to the next level and every time she shoot me down. I think she thinks I am too soft and that I would not be able to handle her. I find her very sexy, especially when she wears her short shorts. I go to the club where she works several times a week just to watch her dance.  What can I say to let her see that I can be the type of man that she wants?

T-Pain a yuh dis again?

Cross! Angry!

Dis Gyal (sound like she) fat ina de right places. Dem type a fat deh, WarLord wyah fi dwell in. (But yuh sey yuh) offer fi buy and she sey she not selling? 

Cross!  Gyal! How long yuh fi send on, from den on and yuh a hype and a gwaun from when on. Siddung pon him cocky like a chair and heng on. Him wi use him love like a rope and pen har. A who send har and recommend har and tell har (rude bwoy) ago fren har? Like a needle and thread dis mend har. Expand de sinting and den yuh extend har.

Go-Go Girlfriend: Part One

Dear Killa, 

I hope you can help me with an issue I am having.  I am a very nice, gentle and loving man who takes care of women in every way. Although I have been with many women before, I have never found any that could really hold my attention. For the past two years, I have been looking for a real woman and two nights ago, I found her. The only problem is that she is a go-go dancer and she made it very clear to me that when it come on to the bedroom business, she don’t play wid man. I am beginning to wonder if I am in over my head.  Killa, what I want to know is, have you ever been in this situation before and how did you handle it?

Dear T-Pain, 

Wining!  Precise and accurate timing. Yow…Scatter!  Dem gyal yah mek man heart flatter.

The way dem gal yah a wine is like dem out fi cause trouble and to how mi feel mi woulda tek all a double. Jus teck in winey winey Hazel.  She just a wine like har waistline a cable. One hand pon har head and de other one pon har navel.  She put one foot up pon di glass table, dat's when cold bump full mi body like raisin.  De gyal wine and stick, she get wild and kick. She wine fast, wine slow like when oil a grip. De gyal flash har fingah like it ketch ina har zip. De gyal wine like she just get Shakira hips.

Ina one instant mi turn from friendly to foe, when she bend down and touch har toe. Killa tek har from dancehall to divan. She haffe ‘do as I say’ like mi name Simon. A gyal haffe go dead from mi bust nylon. She haffe tell de other man dem sey mi a de first in line. A forward now- not reversing time.

So me tell har… Come wine fi de general.  Flip like dollar coin fi de general. Yuh a star come shine fi de general. Whole night yuh assigned to de general. Eligible and prime fi de general. Couldah nevah unkind to de general. Wine! Wine!  Wine fi de general!

Friday, 11 November 2011

Ladies Man

Dear Killa,
I am your number one fan. Recently, my friends and I got into an argument about you and Beenie. My friends claimed that Beenie was more of a ‘ladies man’ than you because him cute and can dance. I told them that dancing isn’t everything and that you are the better man because you had D’Angel first. Killa, please settle this.

Dear Fans,

Some bwoy sey dem a Gallis inna song and nevah see Alice ina har thong! Well, some bwoy just a sing bout gyal. Dem a nuh gallis, (dem) no know a ting bout gyal. Gallactic Gallis… me a de king bout gyal. A nuh yesiday Killa a win bout gyal. A four and five when mi a bring out gyal. Twin sisters mi buck and haffe win both gyals. Some bwoy nuh know de ‘Dawn’ or de ‘Kim’ bout gyal. A spend dem money and haffe bling out gyal. But, what a ting eeh?

Gyal dem see mi face and instant love dem fall in. Some a sey mi ugly but dem still find mi charming. Mi have a whole heap a gyal but dem nuh find dat alarming. Some bwoy can only get gyal pon Facebook. But, mi a bwoy a get gyal from mi barefoot. Some bwoy a get gyal through Blackberry.  But, a fi three naseberry me slam Kerry!

Thursday, 27 October 2011

Broken Heart

Dear Killa,
I have been married to my husband for five years. Since we have been married, we have not been able to live together. I live abroad and he lives in St Andrew, Jamaica. I have been working on his papers to get him to live with me abroad. My husband started to hang around a few single ladies. I warned him that it was not wise for a married man to be in the constant company of single women. He didn't listen and now one of them is carrying his child. My heart feels like it has been ripped to shreds a million times over. He said he only had sex once with the woman and he was drunk. I told him, I don't believe him. He will admit to only one time because she is pregnant. He wants this marriage to work, but I am not so sure anymore. I love him and that won't change but I am no fool. He seems remorseful, but who knows? My question is whether I should try to work on my marriage with him or just set him free?
Dear Foreign Wifey,
From my heart, I'm saying I'm sorry my dear. I'm sorry for all the wrong (he’s) done and all the pain (he’s) caused. But two hearts become one and that’s a bond. (He) need you in his life, not as a memory. (He) need you to be there to journey... needs yuh like him love attorney, huh!
(Listen), his eyes can see more clear, as long as you’re standing there.  (Right now it) seems like he’s in a dream- or tings ain’t de way they seem. (Him) sorry if him treat yuh bad or if him ever mek yuh sad. Now, he don’t know what to do, cause he’s (still) so in love with you. He hurt you, yes it’s true, but I got a few words for you… It's ok, its alright, he’s gonna make it on the morning flight. He’s gonna do all the things you like, like, champagne and candlelight.

Monday, 17 October 2011

Praise for the Killa

Dear Killa,
Congratulations on your good work. You have proven to be a good counsellor. Not everybody likes you, but you speak your mind and I like that. Keep up the good work!

Dear Fans,

Eh yo...yallow! (More people fi) tek Rodney Price advice. Advice so good, so timely and so nice. Oman all a present, me wid dem daughter as a prize. I am a priceless label; everybody waah sign up. Suh mi wi keep doing dis until mi time up.

Humiliated by a Con Man

Dear Killa,
I am a victim of a man who came to Jamaica, married three women and was charged for visa scam. When I met him, he gave me a wrong name. There was no attraction on my part as I thought this thin, squared shoulders, extremely black, long mouth, tiny-eyed, ugly looking man looked like the devil. He came off as being so charming, loving and caring that I was able to look past his demonic, ugly looking face. He made me feel like a princess and the only woman in the world. I wanted to be with him so badly because of the way he made feel, but he was always elusive and busy. He told me he was a millionaire and was in Jamaica on the ‘Doctors without Borders’ program.
Killa, I cannot seem to get over my anger. To be honest, I want to kill him. I sometimes walk around with a knife. I plan to stab him up, kill him, walk to the police station and turn myself in. Can you tell me what I can do to stop him? This man has caused much hurt and pain to people, and he does not seem to be paying for it. He just continues to live a normal life while ruining the lives of others.
Dear Sista Wife,
Bung Bang!
If mi get mad up in here it can be scary, or get leery. To kill dis fool, to me dat is no stress. Murder dem fast, just like a Federal Express. Cyaan tell yuh how dis likkle punk yah (need) boosting. Cyaan tell yuh how him family gwine loose him. (Leave him to time- smaddey gwine) chop him up BAD so till all Madden a refuse him. Ongle di dog and di John Crow wi choose him.

Thursday, 6 October 2011

Gay husband wants $10 million

Dear Killa,
I need your help. I walked away from my marriage after finding out that my husband is gay and has always been. His lawyer wrote a letter asking me to give him permission to give my husband a cheque of $10 million for a piece of land we both own. What should I do?

Dear Stella,

Whey yuh say, yuh (ex-husband) name Whodini? Mi nuh have nuh problem if yuh a hood Deanie, mi gawn wid Queenie. Eh yow, dis argument get steamy. A yuh a spend yuh money, (nuh gi) de bwoy cent. A yuh good house yuh have, so yuh nuh haffe pay rent. Mek a bwoy live a bush and mek a bwoy pitch tent.

Sunday, 25 September 2011

Outward appearance doesn’t cut it!

Dear Killa,
Some men do look first at the body of a woman, while others, before they make a commitment, take time to look at the inner soul. It is wonderful and encouraging when a man says to his woman, "You're so smart, I knew when I chose you there was more to you than just a beautiful face." A wise man will choose a woman who will communicate intelligently with him and who is capable of going out in the workforce to help provide for the family in case of illness or hardship.
Dear Hinner Beauty,
This is a straight statement. Gal dem look so good, dem look like ornament.  Look pan dem skin, it smooth like ivory. (But) mi wonder if dem generous like Miss IVY? When (de good kinda) gyal dem inna de crowd, dem can stand up fi demself. Dem intelligent with a smooth accent. Dem dress normal though, dem well decent. Dem gyal deh naah run up and down. Dem have dem bonafide. Dem gyal de know dem square root and pie. Gyal like dis a whey mi want (by mi side).  All some (other) gyal know is chicken and fry and know fi tief and know fi tell lie. And fi badmind and fi rely.

Wednesday, 14 September 2011


Dear Killa,

I met this young lady some weeks ago and from the moment I met her, I felt there was something different about her. She has this ‘vibe’ that just makes me giddy whenever I see or spend time with her. At the end of every date, I find myself wanting more. It has gotten so bad that if I don’t see her for a few days I start to feel on edge. When we have sex, it feels like I am on the moon. No woman has ever made me feel this way before, like I am going out of my mind.

Dear Lovey Dovey,

Hay yo! You know you have some ladies, the whole attitude dat dem choose to give is soo smooth. Anyway!

Magnet- suh dis gyal just a pull you in. Magnet, she have de skill fi fulfil yuh dream. Magnet- dats de way how (it seems). Dis woman a pull yuh in like a magnet to steel. (Most) woman draw yuh out, but dis gyal yah pull yuh in. Like a needle and a pin, wid de magnet wey she bring. She (mussey) hold on pon yuh ting mi sey like a virgin and hold yuh hostage and sey dat yuh a de victim.

Thursday, 1 September 2011

My boyfriend replaced me with a vibrator

Dear Killa,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I am 26 and my boyfriend is 24. We dated for about 12 weeks, then we started to have sex. His birthday was approaching and I asked him what he wanted me to get him and, to my surprise, he said a vibrator. I objected but he insisted that was what he wanted. I bought it. But, now he is obsessed with it. He is always using it on himself and he groans a lot. He is now ignoring me because the vibrator is giving him more than I can give him.

Dear Miss Replacee,

Mi cyah believe some man wey mi hear a say dem a men. (Now dat mi hear ) it fi myself, water full up mi eye. Dis man a gal clown. Gyal, clown him…drown him! Whappen to dem? G.C.E! Gal Clown Executive. A fool dat yo!

Friday, 19 August 2011

Hands off my man!

Dear Killa,

I am a regular reader of your column and I see where you have helped many people. I am currently living in Maryland. I have been with my boyfriend since high school and all my schoolmates know him. After I left, one of my friends started to pressure him. His sister told me the girl comes to the house all the time and when she isn’t at the house, she will show up at parties and his work place. She has even started to go to the church they attend. I love my boyfriend very much and I plan to marry him and bring him to America. None of my schoolmates are going to have him, because they know I was first and they shouldn't push themselves on him.

Dear Miss Getty Getty,

Dem just cyah tek yuh man. Tell dem fi gwey! Cause from yuh small a go school you and de man deh. Gyal yuh bettah hold on pon yuh man. Nuh mek a gyal tek him wey, yuh deh wid him too long. Yuh have yuh man from when, from nineteen oh long. A gyal nahve no locks or part ina him plan. And all she come a deal wid a transaction. She might lose de foot or she might lose de hand. Might as well de life if she doan left yuh man. (Tru yuh gane wey), a gyal a flock him like red peas to rice. (But) de whole a dem flop cause a you a de wife. Wid de ring pon yuh fingah, yuh fi hold on tight.

Thursday, 11 August 2011

Heditorial Comment: Gully-Alliance Feud


Yow! A who dem bwoy deh tink dem a bright wid? Whappen to dem fools! Wey dem a do? Fallah? Dem get caught up inna de dollah. Mek mi tell unnu dis, unnu fi know unnu size. Get de tape measure… Size dem up! Dem bwoy yah doan even have credit, dem waah top up. None a dem nuh badder dan mi bloodcl@@t shoes. Some likkle pu$$yhole wey nuh even start pay dem dues. Dem rise gainst de Killa, dem wi bloodcl@@t lose! Dem mumma sing de blues.

Mi inna one bloodcl@@t mood. Mi cross again, mi caught again, dem get Rodney rude. Go get mi uzi and mi Mack 10. Mek mi minimize dem bwoy deh wey a bloodcl@@t pass dem place. Man a killer from when and Killa nuh beg fren.

Mysterious Dream

Dear Killa,

I had a dream, and I don't know the meaning of it, but I would like to tell you about it. I dreamt that I was reading Psalms 69. I could hear people laughing, but I could not see them and I woke up. Then I got another dream that there was a lion, but I could just see the head of the lion. The head had the colour of flame like fire. There was a pastor praying for me and then the head of the lion started to melt and fall to the ground. When the pastor was finished praying, his head melted and I said amen. The dream had me thinking. Please give me your advice on what it meant.

Dear Dreamist,

Warning! Well you know its de original Grung God.

In de first half, (yuh a) pray to father god fi mek him show yuh de light. (But, people) cyaah keep secret, dem a laugh cause dem know sey (yuh man a) eat it. In de second half- (yuh matey) hot like fire. (Right now, she) have every aspect (yuh man) a desire. She well confident, but like butter, she ago melt. De pastor prayer is like a black talon, a chop down har shield.

Saturday, 30 July 2011

The condom broke, she’s blaming me…

Dear Killa,

Greetings to you. I have a problem. My girlfriend and I are living together and we have a child. I promised her that I would not get her pregnant again until she graduates from college. We were having sex and the condom broke. When she missed her period, she checked with her doctor and found out that she is pregnant. She is blaming me for using an old condom. I told her that the condom was not old. Killa, it is a big mistake. I did not mean to get her pregnant, but everyday she is crying and I don't know what to do.

Dear Babyfadda,

Well, you know its Bounty Killa… ole village rooster!

Mi a boy weh love fling mi seed. Swell up gyal regulah-- yeah a nuff a dem breed. You see, de gyal dem want dem skin fi bore. Dem tear down all mi door, screaming and then bawling out fi more. (Suh) a nuh nuttin if dem breed, mi wi fadda dem.

Sunday, 24 July 2011

The Sex ‘Death Sentence’

Dear Killa,

Impotence or erectile dysfunction is defined as the inability to achieve or maintain an erection sufficient for sexual intercourse. When you take away power, strength and vigour from a man, it makes him feel like a cripple that has no more worth in life. So, when a man loses his ability to hold that power, strength and vigour in his penis, it is a certain death sentence for him. The penis defines the prominence of a man. When he strips down and the woman can be awed at the stand of his thoroughbred stallion that is being imposed on her. It is a compliment for a man's ego when he has that potency, that is hard and last long. But, men don't understand that to have this potency for a very long time, they will have to take care of themselves, so that the results continue to 'stiffen'.

Dear Doctor,

Some bwoy (ongle) look hard. Dem a pose and a hype. (Dem) big up dem chest and all a give demself sex stripe. But dem gal a tell mi seh (nuff a dem) nah wuk dem right. Dem only lie dung and a bitey bitey, all night. Well! When my ting rise, it stand up tall. When dem see it, gyal climb ceiling- den wall. Wey mi do to gyal, dem call it Karma Sutra. My something suh fine, superb and super. Gyal haffe run when mi dun drink mi Babba roots or mi tigerbone blend up wid di tequila.

Monday, 18 July 2011

Party time in Jamaica…

Dear Killa,
I am planning a trip to Jamaica with some of my friends. It’s going to be our first time to the country, but we want to come because we heard it’s a good place to party. Our motto is “more girls, more liquor, more fun”. When do you think is the best time to come?

Dear Tourist,
Yow, It's (all) about summer time. Drop top and hummer (time). De gal dem look summer fine. Gal dem bangin like a drummer. Can you see di summer signs?

From mi pool to di beach, pure gal a beep. Hot sexy gal, couldah some freak. Nuff gal a pop it off, nuff gal a drop it off. Seh dem look and waan show dem physique. Girls look good seven days a di week. Girls drop loose when dem see di sun a shine. From di fat to di slim, dem a love di summer wine. Girls are happy (and all) gangstas dancing (in de summertime). Partygoers are jumping- everybody go through something (in de summertime).

Thursday, 30 June 2011

Lickey Lickey Girls

Dear Killa,

I always laugh to myself when I hear girls talk bout how dem cyaah find no good man. Well, in my opinion, is not the men that are the problem, is de women. Most of them just want yuh money. They don’t want no relationship, they just want what dem can get out of a relationship. Drive out, KFC, clothes, cellphone, why yuh tink taxi man have suh much woman? Is de hardest ting fi a man find a good, humble girl nowadays. Even de one dem wey call dem self Christian just as lickey lickey.

Dear Mr. Savings,

Eh Yow! Rude bwoy, how some gyal so greedy? Bwoy, mi a tell yuh, dem gyal yah move speedy…

Mi get gyal easy. Man believe me! A nuff a dem (gyal yah a) grieve me. Mi meet one, (sey) she wyaah go restaurant- she too greedy. (From) she see mi wallet , she start act speedy. (Mi) give har a one squits and har eye dem get beady. She start all bleach like de poor and needy. (After) mi get wey mi want, mi tell dis gyal gwaun leave me. She fi achieve me! (Dem gyal deh wi ) see yuh roll up and wyaah play join up. (Dem wi) see yuh and yuh woman and wyaah play close up. But mek dem know sey sketel bomb time up!

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

It’s not me, it’s you!

Dear Killa,

I am so mad right now. A few weeks ago, I met a nice guy at a nightclub in Kingston. Anyway, we started going out and everything was great until it came time for him to seal the deal. The first time we made love, I was not very impressed. He did not last very long but I told myself that he was probably tired and that things would be better the next time. Well, it has been a month and he has not improved. In fact, it has become clear that he is a “one position, one minute” wonder. What is worse, I heard through the grapevine that he has been telling his friends that I am the one with the problem. I have been with many other guys and it’s never been like this- what should I do?

Dear Miss Unsatisy,

Hayyy! Somebaddy say suppen bout tyad? Yuh ready fi hear how di gal dem a say some bredda a lyad? Lawd a mercy!

Bwoy come a road and a foam and a wrath, bwoy a spread rumor sey how Miss Unsatisfy salt. De ooman say a lie and a cuss peer claut. A cum him cum quick and a tun round a find fault. She sey from she born a de wuss slam she get. She just sekkle dung an all a ketch har breath but this bredda come fast like a new jumbo jet. Him a wutless bwoy, ole liad! Cum quick and tell gyal sey him tyad. Well, de gyal dem sey dem want a true man. To wuk dem very long and purlong, dat’s right! Dem want di wuk from yasso to Chicago. Suh If yuh cyaah wuk dem suh, yuh haffe go. Ooman, tell dat likkle punk fi leave you, cause him a zero.

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Heditorial Comment

Whappen to dem!

Well, recently my name was called up in a incident wid Movado at Quad. The newspaper said “As it relates to Bounty Killer it's incomprehensible as to why he has been made a person of interest by the police. He was nowhere near the vicinity where the incident happened and it's very regrettable that he has been caught up in this situation, especially on his birthday"

What I want to know is: a which fassyhole a call up mi name? A nuff a unu waan see di Killer get waste. A nuff fassyhole a bawl pon mi case. Nuff a unu glad when police raid mi base- but a hell when wi buck face to face. A nuff time unu try fi clown mi. Maficer, bout dem a Mafia! whappen to dem!...claffia. A nuff time mi have it and well waan fi sound it. A nuff time mi friend dem haffie beg and haffi hold me. Media and de press, all unu a try unu best fi drown mi. Unuh cancel mi visa but dat still naah ground me. Know sey de eagle and de hawk dem surround me.

Mi know sey unu wha fi sen mi go a prison. But unu cyah shake mi fate. Cauw I know within myself that I was born to be great. Suh mek mi just say it out plain- to those punks who call up mi name. It only mek me stronger when yuh push me down, so go ahead and tell de town. You doing me a favor when you push me round, cause everytime yuh knock me down. I get stronger and stronger…everytime yuh knock me down.

Finish Line

Dear Killa,

I am at a point of giving up, because I feel like so much is missing from my life. I have devoted the last two years to just work and school, and now I am frustrated because my life has been all about school. I just feel like giving up right now. This is my last semester before I graduate with my degree, but I don't want to lose hope. Is there anything you can say to help me regain my confidence and strength, so that I can complete this semester without feeling all this stress and pressure?

Dear Student,

Well, yuh well ambitious and yuh well decent. Put yuh hand ina de air cause yuh well intelligent. From dem sey good! A yuh de Killa recommended. (Suh) nevah let your problems get you down. (Yuh) gotta stay focus and hold your ground. Though it seems hopeless. (Though) sometimes the burden heavy and (yuh) can’t take de weight. (You’re) breathing and still living, so its (never) too late.

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Hangle de Wuk…

Dear Killa,

I have been having sex since I was 10 years old and in all dat time, mi nevah find a man that can satisfy me. Every man I have been with sey dat I am de best dem ever have. Cause mi nuh fraid fi do none of de styles dem want. Is something wrong with me? Or is it dat mi just nevah meet a man wey can hangle de wuk?

Dear White Liver,

All a de gyal dem wey know sey dem have leather interior, 5.0 litre…yeah. Are you ready to run mileage on de speedometer? Well, dem deh gyal deh a my passenger…

Gyal a tell mi how she big and brave. How much? She a wuk from a tender age. (But) when de killa start wuk har like slave, har something pain up fi months and fi days. Well, buckle yuh seatbelt and get ready to flow, she sey she have been working from har eye deh har toe. She can show mi nuff style, wey mi doan know. She bad like yaas and slippery like okro. (But) she nuh know de worky worky face. If she love herself she wouldah behave… cause mi hear wey she do wid all weak fence Dave. I’m sure I’m not a man of self-praise. But I will turn on de fire and mek gyal oven bake. If she evah get mi tool har sinting ring like bell. She run from here and run straight go to hell and rebel!

Thursday, 2 June 2011

Here comes the bride…

Dear Killa,

I hope when these few lines reach you, they may find you in the best of health in Jesus' name. I would like to ask you a favor. I am visiting Jamaica in July of this year and I would like to marry my partner who resides there. Is it possible for me to get in touch with you to ask if you would attend our wedding please?

Dear Wifey,

Aiyyo! Woman is so sensational and so sentimental…

A we di gal dem a call an a invite. (But usually) dem (a call fi) say we must come over and spend di whole night. (Wedding) is just a day for lovers and for the ladies, but I say love for living every day. Love is the most powerful tool in the world. (Nuh worry) wedding done arrange!

Friday, 20 May 2011


Dear Killa,

Mi just a bus inna de music business. And fi de first time inna mi life mi a get all sort of attention. Artist to artist- how yuh deal wid it?

Dear Jus Bus,

Well, yuh know it's Rodney Price, de girls dem dynamite…

(From mi) step inna the party girls a push and shove. Tell dem guy bye-bye dem madly in love, and a approach fi gi wi kisses and hugs. Kiss off we cheek till dem lipstick smudge. (Dem) wanna be a member of the fan club. Sketel ah wink mi but mi nuh even budge. (It’s easy to get) addicted to this, like it’s hard drugs. Nuff man ah cuss cause them filled with grudge. (Suh mi) big up mi fren dem and f&*^ up all mi enemy.(Although) mi see di fassy dem a watch and dem a penny me, mi juss a chill and a sip a glass a hennessey. A humble man a humble cause dem waan drain mi energy.

Thursday, 19 May 2011

Sex can wait…

Dear Killa,

I am 16 and in my first relationship. My boyfriend and I attend the same high school and we are both Christians. He is very cute and quiet. So far, we haven’t even kissed. We both want to take things slow- focus on our school work and do well in our exams. It is our opinion that sex can wait. But two girls in my class have started to pressure my boyfriend. They tell him about all the things they can do to him (sexually) and they bad mouth me. Sometimes when they say these things to my boyfriend, I can see that he is a little curious. He says that I am not to worry, but I am afraid I will lose him if I don’t try to do some of the things they tell my boyfriend about. Please help me.

Dear Virgin girl,

Some gyal nuh understand themself. Come in like some bottle pon shelf. Gyal! Go look a man fi yuhself…

Well, (if) she waiting to exhale, dat gyal gwine stifle. She and har friend (fi go) apply fi sketel title. Bout who clean holsters from who shine rifle? Mi nevah know sey dem a all 'Lot disciple'. Ina dem book have every man handwriting. Dem whole life and dem future wyaah brighten. Virgin girl yuh naah go a school go warm nuh bench and nuh chair, so just wave yuh hands in de air.

Monday, 16 May 2011

A We Sey Bleaching?

Dear Killa,

I am a teacher working with high school students and I have been noticing that many of our youth (male and female) are using cake soap on their face. They rub the soap on their face during the break and some of them leave it on all day. It is quite distressing because they don’t seem to understand the ramifications of what they are doing. They just want to be ‘cool’- like it says in the Kartel song. How can we get our young people to see the error of their ways? I am asking celebrity DJs like you to speak out against this issue.

Dear Teacher,

Mi nuh know how dem man yah fi talk bout dem a run di place and how dem a badman! A bleach dem face, and a cream dem hair, inna tight pants. Bun out dem bumboclaat!

Monday, 25 April 2011

I am dying to make love to her…

Dear Killa,

I would really appreciate your take on a matter. I have been with my girlfriend for three and a half years. I really love and respect her. She is in her final year at university and she is a wonderful, calm, warm, patient, loving, caring, kind, very giving, considerate and beautiful young woman who I can reason with, even when she is under pressure.

One issue we have is that she fears intercourse. She is relaxed with intimacy but she freezes when it is time for penetration. Her heart rate increases and she gets nervous and clams up, and, no matter how hard I try, we can't seem to make headway. When I try a little harder, it’s like trying to get inside a rock, and she will scream and start trembling like a leaf and break down, saying it hurts too much. I have had patience with her in that department. I am dying to make love to her, watch the expressions on her face and explore her. I have never wanted a woman more, and I know she is worth the wait.

Is it an issue of time? I hate seeing her shake in fear. She knows I won't hurt her.

Dear Missa Blue,

Okay…Dat’s right

Well dis gyal hot and every man wyah correl har. Every wey she pass, man wyah fi know a who she. Long time yuh love how har parents a grow har and a yuh love and affection yuh owe har. But cold feet a tek yuh- dem tings mi a show yuh. Yuh (can) move any gal mountain, so longs yuh have faith. Early inna de morning before sunrise, push de ting up between har thighs. Back har up, jack har up, (and) knock har outta har shell. Slice har cho-cho, bus up har virgin bag. Mix har dun like yuh deh a mixing lab.

Thursday, 14 April 2011

Tiefing Ductah

Dear Killa,

I went on a minibus from Linstead to Spanish Town. At the Bog Walk Gorge, fares were collected. I gave the only money I had, which was a $1,000. Upon reaching Angels, I asked for my change and was not given any answer. On reaching the final stop, I came off and asked for my $900 change. The conductor said he still did not have the change and proceed to take from his pocket a roll of money. I told him I was only interested in my change, not his money.

The bus driver was told to drive so that they can go and leave the conductor to look about change. Instead, as the bus drove off, the conductor jumped on the bus and away he went. I went around to the terminal but I did not see the bus. Until now, I have not received my $900. I need my money now.

Dear Countryman,

Ain’t gonna speak my intention. A pop down my gun and destroy de action. Boom! Dynamite! …and gwaun deh wid de pump action.

Well, run come up inna me Magnum bwoy. Stand up in front me shotgun bwoy. Disrespect Miss Ivy last son and yuh life disappear. Well, a no warn me no warn dem and a no tell me no tell dem. If dem diss Waterhouse man dem inna problem and me gun nah spare dem.

From yuh can’t hear-gunshot yuh gwuan feel. No tek it fi a deal. You a gwuan like yuh head and yuh chest it mek outta steel. Put up yuh shield and me gun gonna nyam yuh right yassuh just like a meal deal. Ask if it is real and yuh head gonna run down di street like a bicycle wheel.

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Bored to Tears…

Dear Killa,

I attend UTECH and consider myself a good student. I do my work, I participate in school activities and even find time to take on some leadership positions on hall. Despite all that, in the nights I find myself with a lot of time on my hands. I am so bored sometimes, that I lie awake staring at the ceiling. What do you do when you feel bored?

Dear Schoolers,

Lawd-a-mercy! A need to mek a special call, hand me di telephone. And when mi call, me cyaah get no dial tone. Mi diss buy mi house a love zone. Anyway, hey!

Excuse, pass mi cellular phone, mek me call Antoinette and Simone. Hey! Tell dem nuh move a muscle ahm coming home to take a trip down eena dem love zone. Hey! Gal haffi bawl and scream and moan, mi start swing di old tiger bone. We use brush-brush we shoes, and fling whey stone. So tell di man dem fi leave dat alone. Well, Gyal want a man, yu know me deh ya instant. Natural as mi bawn, no unda not a substance. Excellent and talented, me doan unbalance. I naw drap off like di guy Jack Palance. Well, Gyal a mek noise like a giant alarm. Gyal waah fi run when fimme engine tun awn. Mi three teet fawk mi tek a plough up har farm. Plant mi banana and sink fimme cawn.

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

System Blues…

Dear Killa,

I really enjoy reading your columns because it is always packed with such good advice. Recently, I experienced a few changes in my life. I used to work 60 hours a week and had an active social life. Anyhow, because of the recession, my job hours have been cut down and I can’t afford to floss as I used to. Gas costs alone are driving me mad. All now mi cyaah get fi check mi catty a Portmore. I am trying to run a robot but Babylon won’t even give me a bligh. I find myself wondering what this ‘raas’ government is up to?

Dear Flossa,

Well this one reaching out to all the leaders and the media. Well, this is Rodney Price aka Bounty Killer, the leader for Poor People Government.

Well poor people fed up! To how yuh system sheg up, yuh issue gun fi wi pickney bus. Poor people fed up! To how yuh system sheg up, well everyday the ghetto youths dead up. Mi ask the leader, him a di arranger, fi mek poor people surround by danger. Fly and the roach and de giant mosquita, sewage water whey fill wid pure bacteria. Unnu ever tek a look dung inna di Riverton area, Bactu, and Seaview, Waterhouse, Kentire? Long time the MP him nuh come near yah, and the nedda one whey claims sey she a counselor. Rob seventy five percent and gi wi de quarter. Conquer the land nuh waan fi gi wi a acre. Disconnect mi light and chop off mi water.

Yuh think dem like to see wi inna dem hot car ya? Wid dem hot gal yah? A sing dem song ya? Dem song yah stronger than them vial and obeah…The lion from Judah dem well waan conquer. The eagle and the bear and the Queen and har daughter. Haile Selassie I, mi know the whole a dem after. But them a go guh dung inna flames and water.

Saturday, 19 March 2011

Painful Lies…

Dear Killa,

You are doing a great job. I am a 40-year-old man. I have been married now for two years and I have one child with my wife. Shortly after we got married, I went and lived abroad for about a year. During this time I became involved with a jezebel of a woman. I realized almost immediately that this woman was the wrong sort of woman to get involved with, but I had already made a mistake. A year ago the woman started to send emails to my wife in Jamaica. She told my wife all sorts of lies. Even though, I ended that relationship a long time ago, this woman is telling my wife that things are still going on. Now my wife is threatening to leave me because she can’t trust me anymore.

Killa, I realize now, I love my wife more than any other person in the whole world. She is so wonderful and I made a big mistake. I don’t want her to leave me…Please give me your advice?

Dear Foreign Mind,

She say that she's leaving, because you’re hot and deceiving. But what a bond to break, what a bond, people try to instigate. But, it's never wise to make decision when you’re mad. Remember, think, concentrate, it's better to try to relate…Lady! Gal! Huh!

Well, hear mi now spouse, yuh waan him fi resign like him in di coast? Or tell him look a work like a security post? Fi gi di boss di minimum and tek di gross. Woman yuh bring him kids, yuh have him land and him house…So go tek a trip and go pon di north coast…dats wey yuh a him first spoke, cross!

Why yuh wanna leave him in the cold? Di prettiest ting him eyes ever behold. You’re worth to him more than money and gold. I know yuh might lose faith, he might give yuh more than you can take. (But) unconditional love have no estimate.

Saturday, 12 March 2011

Dancing Hype

Dear Killa,

I am a single mother living in the inner-city. I have six kids and none a dem nuh lef de yard yet. I sell in the market- and what little I get, has to serve for all 7 of us. My last son is very bright and talented. But lately, I notice dat de school work drop off and de hyping pick up. Nuh bag juice party naah miss him and now that he has joined one of de dance groups in the community- all inna him head is clothes, dance and music.

Killa, I am distressed. I try so hard to see my kids elevate out of de Ghetto. I was really hoping this last boy would have turned out differently. Him have a bettah head fi de book ting, but de bleaching every night story won’t help him. Don’t get mi wrong Killa, mi love fi dance too, but dancing is not all there is to life.

Dear Mama Hype,

Lawd a Mercy… All de yute wey doan like school, just dismiss!

Book book book. Unu fi pressure unu book. If yuh naah nuh education people treat yuh like a buuts. Tun yuh ina handyman, dawg food yuh haffe cook. Dem nuh wyah nuh candy man a Barbican or Norbrook. So big up all de yutes a KC, Glenmuir and Georges. You love yuh education, dis one is for you. Keep your goals in sight and you must go through. And when yuh reach de top, don’t you forget is who buy yuh schoolbooks, yuh uniform and yuh shoe. And pay yuh school fee, when de term get new. As for me- Mama respect due. Cause if it wasn’t she- I wouldn’t know wey mi wouldah do. All by dis mi wouldah meet mi waterloo or go end up ina de wrong crew…

Friday, 4 March 2011

Better Safe than Worry…

Dear Killa,

My motto is to never have unprotected sex for the rest of my life. I have a friend who was talking to a man. When she went to see him, she asked him if he had a condom and he said no. She told him that they couldn’t have sex because she was afraid, but he said she shouldn’t fret because he would pull out when he was about to ejaculate. He said it was something he does all the time. A month later, she found out that she was pregnant. The man that got her pregnant told her that when the baby is born if he/she resembles him, he will support it. But if it doesn’t… well I guess she’s on her own. These young women and men should be advised to never have sex without a condom.

Dear Sa-fety,

Well you know it's Warlord, di panty police. Yo! Gal, yuh arrested!

Fat pum pum gal, yes mi radda dem. Couldah fat, couldah slim, yes mi sahda dem. Gimme de gyal inna di Bima and di Prada dem. Gyal a risk dem life ova di border dem. Cause a mi dem waan fi go sahda dem. But if condom run out, mi reorder dem.

Friday, 25 February 2011

Should I take her back?

Dear Killa,

I am a 34-year-old man and I am having a problem. I was with a young woman for 13 years. She did a lot of wicked things to me. We have a son together. From he was two months old, she left us and went to live with another man. Now, the man is doing her so much bad things, so she called me and told me the things he did to her. She said that he called her names. Now, she is saying that she made a big mistake, and everybody makes mistakes because when you do, you learn from them. She wants to come back, what should I do?

Dear Mr. Tekiback,

Well, it's Warlord di world renown…

Yo! She tell mi if mi waah mi can get it back. And how di garden flat, she waan mi wet it back. But di ongle ting mek mi nuh tek it back? Anyting mi dash wey, mi nuh tek it back. She seh di old broom know di corna di best. When mi dun pon de straight, she sey “gane are de rest”. Mi dun kiss di lips, she sey gwaan a de breast. She run round de house, sey my charm a di best.

Di gal drive me down like a madman pon di lane. Tell mi how much she miss di long sugar cane. She miss how mi mek har juice flow like a rain. Di likkle tiny man just start get to har brain. Too much dining, not enough whinning when she ready fi di bump and grinding.
Yo! This a nuh play riddle diddle nah fiddle. Everybody try puzzle this riddle.

Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Taking a shot at scripture…

Dear Killa,

I do not think a pastor should carry a gun. How can he preach the commandment, "Thou shalt not kill," and carry a weapon capable of killing? How can a pastor say peace be unto you and carry a weapon that breaks peace? I know it may be important in Jamaica for citizens to have guns, but the pastor has to set the example to maintain peace.

Dear Gandhi,

No big deal, no big deal. Guy can't hear, him gonna feel…

Well, action speak louder dan words but (bad) man nuh talk bettah if yuh observe. Yuh stay deh gwaun talk, find yuh heartbeat lock off. Find de body a west and de head a north. Nuff a dem a diss and cyah pay de cost. De gun wey we a buss name 'God a come', and we magazine big like a drum. When time mi buss it, all de sun go dung. De shot dem tek cornah- go wait till yuh come. To the Kings of Kings, well mi know them shall answer. The Lords of Lords well a him a wi sponsor. See, Selassie I nuh tek fi fun or laughter.

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Wild Boy 2…

Dear Killa,

Thank you for the good work that you have been doing. This is the first time I am writing to you but I am having a problem. I am 27 and married for two years. My wife and I have one child and I love my wife very much. However, I found out that I can't do without having sex for longer than a few days. Not even a week I can go without having sex. When I got married was the first time in my life I only had one woman with whom I was having sex. Sometimes my wife is tired and I have to beg her just to do it for a few minutes so I can ejaculate, because she doesn't like to see me masturbating.

I am in big trouble now because I am involved with a young woman who works at the same place as I do. I didn't mean to get involved with her, but she was always touching me and joking, and we got to like each other. One day we went out on company business and during our lunch break we went to a hotel and had sex.

Killa, I am trembling in my boots because I don't know how to tell my wife about this…

Dear Heastside Motel,

Dat’s Right!

(Tell har) De gyal dem a ride mi nature, amen, so let it be. Well, mi wyah de gyal dem until mi dead. Woman is everyting I need. Well, believe it or not… well mi naah lef off of de gyal dem trace. Cause de gyal dem a ride mi nature- feel like mi couldah tek all three.

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

Wild Boy…

Dear Killa,

Sex is my biggest problem in life. I am 19 and everybody calls me a sex addict. I had sex with almost all the girls in my class and I have sex sometimes two and three times for the day. Every girl I have sex with wants to stick to me like ticks. But, I just can’t seem to settle down and give them what they want.

Killa, what do you think is wrong with me? Is there a name for this condition?

Dear Gyalist,

A who? A who couldah so lucky fi get it twice from ungrateful Chucky, Mr. Wucky and Ducky?
One pop, and a gal get a Kentucky. Lawd a mercy! She not so lucky (imagine that).

Well, mi tell di gal dem sey mi nuh play stuckie. Gal mi slam yuh 2 time yuh more than lucky. One pop mi gawn and gi a gal a Kentucky. Every whey mi guh the gal dem call mi fuckery. Gal a gimmi name Ungrateful Chucky. The ‘Ouch gal’ dem call mi wuckie and duckie. Gal whey yuh have a fi mi, when yuh see mi yuh fi gimmi. And tomorrow please act as if yuh never see me. Mi dun stretch yuh out like some lastic bingey and bench yuh out like some enamel chimmey.

Sexually speaking dem should know mi mad. Mi kill di gal dem wid promise whey never fulfill from dem come inna mi palace. Wuck har an duck har and present har wid malice. Well, a dat me deliver to Alice.

Sunday, 6 February 2011

Fluffy Girl...

Dear Killa,

I am 35 and have been considered ‘fluffy’ all my life. For a time, I did not mind it, since I think curves is what makes a woman sexy. But, recently I have been having some health problems that the doctor says is related to my weight. I have tried every diet imaginable, Atkins, Maple Syrup, liquid….just to name a few. And still nothing has worked. I have gone to the gym a few times but my embarrassment at being so overweight always causes me to quit. Killa, I am desperate to find a way to lose this weight. But, I can’t afford surgical procedures like gastric bypass. Please give me your best advice…

Dear Fluffy,

Kaboom! Well dis is Bounty Killa, di gal dem daily prayers…

Big and fat, weigh five hundred pound? Well! Di Killa gonna break it down. Gal! When mi done wuk yuh, a yuh grave yuh ago end up. Yuh likkle chocho and you salad a go swell up. Just like eight or S you a go bend up.

Say you need fi work pan you size? Gal when mi dun wuk yuh, yuh all out a yuh sense. You kick down door, tear down the back fence. Make you all a speak whole heap a accent. Non-stap work, is just horn and horn. Mi no accept defeat nor no sabotage. Yuh a sweat water run like de Matalon Barge. All when di tune done me still ah press record. Me still nah pull up when me a get nuff applause. Performance ah di year is surely my award.

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Mi tired a bun now…

Dear Killa,

I am writing you with a heavy heart. I am married to my childhood sweetheart. My wife does higglering and she has lots of friends. She likes to go out. She has given me 'bun' several times and I can prove it. My wife is very out of order. Sometimes, when I try to have sex with her, she pushes me away and says her young man satisfied her already.

Killa, she has no love for me and I can see it. One of my daughters is willing to take me to live with her, but I don't want to be a burden to her. But, I can't stay here and let my wife disrespect me. All my neighbors know that she is giving me 'bun' and I am ashamed. What do I say to her?

Dear Bunny Wailers,

Lawd a mercy…man a cerassee!

Well! Girl yuh living too dangerous- better if yuh give it up. Yuh never stop until, yuh pass di maximum line. Well now yuh know too much! I need a relationship and not a war. Imagine fi see yuh woman inna man car. Tell me what de hell yuh gonna think of her? Mek man a rob tings from mi cookie jar.

Gal! yuh bettah look inna yuh life and stop flirt. A walk sidewalk when yuh should deh work, a wash up yuh plate, or wash a man shirt. The bag a friendship business naw go work. Yuh think it's me or your friends dem it going to hurt, when mi get upset and mi just splurt. Better yuh baptize and gwaan inna church, and pray to God and put him first!

Friday, 28 January 2011

Is a Quickie Okay?

Dear Killa,

I know a man who really likes me. He would do anything for me. He really cares about me. We are just friends now but he wants us to be more than friends. He wants a relationships but I am scared.

Recently, I asked him when was the last time he had sex and he said last week. I was very upset with him. He consoled me and said the woman meant nothing to him, she was just a quickie. Can a man sleep with a woman and not have any feelings for her?

I don't know what to do. I don't want to get heartbroken and cheated on again like in previous relationships.

Dear Wifey,

Hay yo, Yallow!

Well, don’t puzzle dis, when yuh hear mi call some gyal “easy does it”. One slam mi get a nevah membah who was it. Mi nuh interested, suh mi nevah puzzle it. Cauw mi nevah love it! (Dem gyal deh fi) tek a slap and gwaan. How mi fi mek dem see mi wid ol' laugh star Dawn. Mi don’t call nuh fowl when mi dash out mi corn. I’m speaking the truth, mi nuh mean yuh nuh harm.

Baby, don't let love go, mi seh let love stay. Don't leave him in sorrow or in dismay. Yuh man dun propose and yuh mek di choice. A reply from you would simply make his day.

Wednesday, 26 January 2011

Fed up!

Dear Killa,

I read your column a lot and now it is my time to write to you. I have a big problem and I need your help in any way you can. I have been working at a security company for sometime now. The thing is that the boss collects $1,000.00 per hour for each security guard, and pays him/her $145.00 per hour so the boss makes $855.00 out of it for themselves. They do not have a health plan for us. In case we get sick, we are on our own. We are risking our lives night and day so that they can have money and they don't care about us.

We need him to give us the right amount of money that the government says that we are to get. They need to give us our health plan, our pension, etc. We have families. We are getting old. It is too long now and we are sick and tired. What do you think?...

Dear Guardie,

Hey Yow! Mr Fassy ! Cause yuh should be happy to see others happy… 

Look into my eyes, tell me what you see? Can you feel my pain? Am I your enemy? Give us a better way. Things are really bad, the only friend I know is this gun I have. Listen to my voice… this is not a threat. Now you see the nine, are you worried yet? When you show us hope, we will show you peace…

Look into my mind, can you see the wealth? Can you tell that I want to help myself?But if it happen that I stick you for your ring, don't be mad at me it's a survival ting. When you show us hope, we will show you peace…

Look me in the eyes and tell me that you care, stop and ask yourself, would you live like that?And if you had to, then wouldn't you bus gun shot? The struggle that we live nobody really knows but if you show us hope, we will show you peace…

Friday, 21 January 2011

Waitin’ for Mister Right

Dear Killa,

I have been dating a guy for 2 weeks. How do I know if he is the one?

Dear Waitress,

Intimate woman, need intimate man, yeah... Link up and join strong like money ina hand. Woman!

You have an idea and yuh woman have one, put dem together, wey yuh get a likkle plan. It take dedication and meditation fi move from inna de air from down a de foundation. Unu build all together and mek it strong. Yuh tink and don’t yuh know, yuh follow de generation. God did make Eve and him make Adam. Put dem pon de land to multiply de nation. Intimate woman need intimate man link up join together like money inna hand.

**Let’s get intimate, come on sugar darling, let’s get intimate (hey, hey)

Monday, 17 January 2011

Chatty Chatty Ex…

Dear Killa,

Six months ago my baby father left me for another woman in the same housing scheme. I get to understand that he and her have been walking the street and talking how I look like an old cow and how nobody wants me. Killa, I desperately want to get back on the man market (plus mi want fi spite di b&*%h dem). I know my face is still pretty but I need your fatherly advice.

Dear Pretty Cow,

Yuh a lead and a set di trend (Gal). Cause yuh and dem could nevah be friends, and dem a nuff up di place like oxygen. Mek di walk and di pose fi dem (Gal), cause yuh nah wear nuh clothes fi dem (Gal). Nah fi borrow, have nuttin fi lend and yuh nuh care a who dem wyaah send.

Well! Dem look warm but yuh ultra hot. All heads roll when yuh touch pon di spot. Dem a drop off a farm, yuh deh pon di top. Standing ovation every man a clap. Flawless God bless, a yuh dem caan stop. Slap a gal in har face if a bright she chat. Man a dead ova di face and di shape yuh got. Model and mek a gal ketch heart attack!!

Friday, 14 January 2011

Just want to sample har sweetness…

Dear Killa,

I think my wife's sister wants to have an affair with me, and it is driving me crazy because she flirts with me. We had a mutual friend, and he told me he had an affair with her and that made me mad. My sister-in-law is married, so I am not looking to marry her but just to sample her sweetness a couple times. What can I do?

Dear Samplist,

Check one time, no crime. I hope this gal can pay the fine.... right. Gal a cry and bawl fi the service! I hope dem can service.

Well gimme di mother or di aunt and I will tek di daughter pon di side in advance. Cawh from a day me pass and hear di gal dem a chant, everlasting and blasting, is dat dem want. And dem a demand it, nah tell dem I can't. Just like a rocket me seh gal fi launch. Gal all ah bawl but dem nah get no chance. Inna dem soil a me seed me waan plant.