Go-Go Girlfriend: Part One

Dear Killa, 

I hope you can help me with an issue I am having.  I am a very nice, gentle and loving man who takes care of women in every way. Although I have been with many women before, I have never found any that could really hold my attention. For the past two years, I have been looking for a real woman and two nights ago, I found her. The only problem is that she is a go-go dancer and she made it very clear to me that when it come on to the bedroom business, she don’t play wid man. I am beginning to wonder if I am in over my head.  Killa, what I want to know is, have you ever been in this situation before and how did you handle it?

Dear T-Pain, 

Wining!  Precise and accurate timing. Yow…Scatter!  Dem gyal yah mek man heart flatter.

The way dem gal yah a wine is like dem out fi cause trouble and to how mi feel mi woulda tek all a double. Jus teck in winey winey Hazel.  She just a wine like har waistline a cable. One hand pon har head and de other one pon har navel.  She put one foot up pon di glass table, dat's when cold bump full mi body like raisin.  De gyal wine and stick, she get wild and kick. She wine fast, wine slow like when oil a grip. De gyal flash har fingah like it ketch ina har zip. De gyal wine like she just get Shakira hips.

Ina one instant mi turn from friendly to foe, when she bend down and touch har toe. Killa tek har from dancehall to divan. She haffe ‘do as I say’ like mi name Simon. A gyal haffe go dead from mi bust nylon. She haffe tell de other man dem sey mi a de first in line. A forward now- not reversing time.

So me tell har… Come wine fi de general.  Flip like dollar coin fi de general. Yuh a star come shine fi de general. Whole night yuh assigned to de general. Eligible and prime fi de general. Couldah nevah unkind to de general. Wine! Wine!  Wine fi de general!