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Tuesday, 28 June 2011

It’s not me, it’s you!

Dear Killa,

I am so mad right now. A few weeks ago, I met a nice guy at a nightclub in Kingston. Anyway, we started going out and everything was great until it came time for him to seal the deal. The first time we made love, I was not very impressed. He did not last very long but I told myself that he was probably tired and that things would be better the next time. Well, it has been a month and he has not improved. In fact, it has become clear that he is a “one position, one minute” wonder. What is worse, I heard through the grapevine that he has been telling his friends that I am the one with the problem. I have been with many other guys and it’s never been like this- what should I do?

Dear Miss Unsatisy,

Hayyy! Somebaddy say suppen bout tyad? Yuh ready fi hear how di gal dem a say some bredda a lyad? Lawd a mercy!

Bwoy come a road and a foam and a wrath, bwoy a spread rumor sey how Miss Unsatisfy salt. De ooman say a lie and a cuss peer claut. A cum him cum quick and a tun round a find fault. She sey from she born a de wuss slam she get. She just sekkle dung an all a ketch har breath but this bredda come fast like a new jumbo jet. Him a wutless bwoy, ole liad! Cum quick and tell gyal sey him tyad. Well, de gyal dem sey dem want a true man. To wuk dem very long and purlong, dat’s right! Dem want di wuk from yasso to Chicago. Suh If yuh cyaah wuk dem suh, yuh haffe go. Ooman, tell dat likkle punk fi leave you, cause him a zero.

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